Almost a month has gone by since I felt like I had something to say that was worth hitting your inbox. 

I don’t want this to become a place that needs to weigh that much in words, to matter.

In the last month I got a new job (still working in treatment & recovery – mental health and SUD). I learned that I was letting my fear of public speaking get in the way of taking bigger risks, taking up more space.

In that same space, I learned that there’s no room for fear if you operate from a place of giving. Fear only holds room if you worry (subconsciously) that you’re taking. Fear only has presence if you’re trying to take – people’s attention, people’s time – and then ultimately take self validation from however they respond. But if you try to only give, to know whatever you’re getting in front of, who ever, it’s because you have something to offer, from a good place. (Whether that be a social media audience, clients, your leadership, or your peers.) Fear has no room. 

The analogy presented by David Ghiyam on a podcast I listened to is what painted it best: “If I told you to get in front of Oprah’s audience and speak to everyone, telling them that today you would be giving each of them cars, would you be afraid?”

Right. Now imagine that in the space of something non-material. It shares the same sensation. 

I learned in the last few weeks that I am terrified of death. Less of my clock, and more of those I love. I cherish every moment so deeply, almost as if I could see time in front of me. Not in a morbid way but in a way of gratitude. As you get older, you see the majority of people you love, less. You see them age, you watch their lives evolve with gaps in between. You notice the grey hairs showing up around your dogs eyes. You see time. 

I was reminded that money isn’t real. And that was a relief because the post-it note was needed. Miami costs $300 just to walk outside and breathe the air. A smoothie is $22 and a good ol’ balanced breakfast outside of your home is $50, for one. And as real as those costs are, the object of money and how much we are allowed to have is limitless. Old thought patterns of lack and needing more will always try to haunt me – but the universe always shows me how good it can really get. But the belief is on me. 

I don’t have an addictive personality but I’m addicted to sugar and taking care of people. I don’t like candy, I’m an ice cream, cheesecake, crème brule kind of gal. Many of you saw my personal challenge on TikTok and I failed brutally – truth is I never even tried. Maybe it was my rebellion when I found out, like a knife to my core, that EGGS were what was breaking me out after doing an elimination diet. Guys, I LOVE eggs. It was my largest source of protein. 

I refuse to give it up, but I will have to figure out a replacement and reduce my intake. So all suggestions, are welcome! (But I want to hear squat zilch zero about oats…) Give me what you got, otherwise.

A new thing I’ve been committed to is reaching out to people in the moment of thinking of them. I don’t know about you, but I think about people often. People I’ve met once, old friends from 15 years ago, family members I spoke to 2 days ago – doesn’t matter. But rather than allowing those thoughts to just be thoughts, I’ve told myself they’re human spark signals. Something bigger than me is telling me to check in. So, let me be a text, a call, a card, a voice memo – small or big. I’ve let the thought of them drive me to reach out. And some beautiful catch ups, and bits of news, and days, have been made in doing so. Highly recommend. 

One thing to know about me, I don’t like driving and I don’t like long car rides or road trips. So I’m happy to share that as I’m on my way back home from one as we speak, writing this, I thought of you all. So this is me taking it as a sign of a human spark signal. Something bigger is telling me to check in.

 I hope you remember that fear can’t exist if you’re authentically giving from a place of good. I hope you know that I think about death too, it’s not just you. I hope you know that money isn’t real and that we all have our own vices we struggle with. Most of all, I hope that you reach out to them, whoever it is you thought of today. 

Happier you’re here, 

Kenny